I feel back down at the low point again. I am soooo angry and upset with my marriage right now.Yes i know my hubby has been working hard to bring in the money for us but we also had a really deep conversation at the beggining of the month about making our marriage work and what the things were that made each other 'tick' etc. We said we would be more aware of them and actually put some effort into the relationship.
Today is a prime example of what makes me soo mad and so upset with how my life is right now.
Hubby didnt work last night which was really nice as it meant i had some company at home - or so i thought. He rung me on his way home so i knew he was coming. I thought i would be nice and run a bath for him and cook a really nice homecooked meal for us. So i did all this. I even treated us and brought a bottle of Baileys to have while we chilled infront of the TV.
Hubby fell asleep at 9. hhhhmmmm so much for our evening. I thought well if he sleept then we would have a better day on Sunday. so he slept through till mid day Sunday. We got up and went to town to get the dog food and some bits for the weeks food. Came home i did some lunch and he put the football on.
Our plans for today were to have the afternoon at home and then this evening catch up with some friends. We dont have a lot of money so they were going to come to us, have a few drinks and play on the WII. It was an opportunity to meet the new girlfriend and catch up with some people we havent seen for a while.
So i started finalising the plans and yep - hubby decides hes not in the mood so it isnt happening. The evening is cancelled and we are to stay at home tonight. Great - not.
To top it off while he's 'watching' the football HE FALLS ASLEEP!!!! gggggrrr i go to turn over and he wakes up telling me he's watching it. NOT funny.
So yet again i am in for an evening infront of the tv, lonely , misserable and house trapped. He's snoring on the sofa and shouting at me with every suggestion of doing something.
Is life really supposed to be like this?? Is this what i signed into 4 years ago when i got married?? i thought i was 25 not 55. :( :( :(
Sunday, 30 November 2008
Friday, 28 November 2008
Lazy Day
Well i have been instructed by everyone, especially my hubby to relax today and not do anything. The doc did say for 5 days not to lift anything heavy or strain myself to much. So i am going to be a good girl.
There is so much i need to do though. Thats the problem with having 2 dogs the house gets messy quickly especially the floors. In this weather the garden is awful. Also the dog hair floats across the floor and gathers in little bundles.
I will see how i do but .......can promise anything.
One thing about all this is a certainly found out who my true friends are, people who really care about me. I hate so many supportive texts, messages and chats yesterday and they all meant so much.Some people i only spoke to when i first go the appointment through yet they remembered. I do have some very special people in my life. xx
There is so much i need to do though. Thats the problem with having 2 dogs the house gets messy quickly especially the floors. In this weather the garden is awful. Also the dog hair floats across the floor and gathers in little bundles.
I will see how i do but .......can promise anything.
One thing about all this is a certainly found out who my true friends are, people who really care about me. I hate so many supportive texts, messages and chats yesterday and they all meant so much.Some people i only spoke to when i first go the appointment through yet they remembered. I do have some very special people in my life. xx
Thursday, 27 November 2008
OUCH!
well i had the bits done today. Oh my god i havent ever felt as much pain as i did today. The nurse and the Doctor were lovely, i made sure mum stayed head end and i havent ever felt as embarrassed laying there being tipped upside down in this chair legs spread eagle and being ajusted so my bits were head hight for the doc!!!!!.
He ended up doing 2 large biopsys and a vinegar test!!! plus a few others on my cervix.he is hoping as he did such big biopsys and took 2 bits he might of removed it all. He said that as i was in so much pain further treatment would be done with me asleep - thank goodness.
He couldnt cautarize it (spell check) and so used a glue cos off the pain i was already in.So i have been bleeding quite alot. Now its just a case of waiting for the results which apparently could not be here till after christmas. lovely.
my darling husband took me for a lovely lunch/dinner after (very naughty as was supposed to be for a bill but sometimes you have to remember to live also) and has been looking after me tonight, dont know how i would cope without him.Although he did think it funny that when i sneezed to tell me to be careful incase my fanny fell out!!! how rude.
xxx
He ended up doing 2 large biopsys and a vinegar test!!! plus a few others on my cervix.he is hoping as he did such big biopsys and took 2 bits he might of removed it all. He said that as i was in so much pain further treatment would be done with me asleep - thank goodness.
He couldnt cautarize it (spell check) and so used a glue cos off the pain i was already in.So i have been bleeding quite alot. Now its just a case of waiting for the results which apparently could not be here till after christmas. lovely.
my darling husband took me for a lovely lunch/dinner after (very naughty as was supposed to be for a bill but sometimes you have to remember to live also) and has been looking after me tonight, dont know how i would cope without him.Although he did think it funny that when i sneezed to tell me to be careful incase my fanny fell out!!! how rude.
xxx
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
Hospital tomorrow!
well its today really i suppose as it is 2:27am and i am still awake going over tomorrow in my head. not really sure whats going to happen. all i know is that i have to go in for a coloposcopy or something have 3 tests done a few treatments and then a biopsy. They have told me that i am already at level 3 out of 4 so ..... who knows really.
Had my bath and all clean and fresh lol. Mum is coming with me as my hubby has to work due to our financial situation at the moment.
dont really know what else to say. fingers crossed everyone. xx
Had my bath and all clean and fresh lol. Mum is coming with me as my hubby has to work due to our financial situation at the moment.
dont really know what else to say. fingers crossed everyone. xx
Laptop!
My lap top broke nearly 2 weeks ago and luckily i had a cover plan on it, so that if there were any problems with it they would be sorted and i wouldnt have to pay for them. I only brought it in August and wasnt expecting things to go wrong with it so quickly but when they did i was thanking my lucky stars i had the cover. It got sent away and a lovely friend has lent me his so that i could still apply for jobs and keep in contact with friends and family.
This morning i was so happy as i recieved a text to let me know they would be returning it to me today! yippeeee.
I plugged it in........ and nothing!!!! aaggghhhhhh . After speaking to 4 different people and making it very clear that it just wasnt acceptable as i have a peice of paper with it all ticked off to be working again yet it really isnt, they said they will collect it tomorrow afternoon and aim to have it back to me within the week. Not once did someone appologise to me or even pretend they could understand how frustrating this is.
It has also come back with a key broken on it and in a much worse state than what it was sent away in.
soooo the moral of the story is PC world is Shit and the TECH GUYS really are rubbish and cant do their job.I have also learnt to make sure you have everything you could possibly need backed up regularly from the laptop!
What a great start to the day!
This morning i was so happy as i recieved a text to let me know they would be returning it to me today! yippeeee.
I plugged it in........ and nothing!!!! aaggghhhhhh . After speaking to 4 different people and making it very clear that it just wasnt acceptable as i have a peice of paper with it all ticked off to be working again yet it really isnt, they said they will collect it tomorrow afternoon and aim to have it back to me within the week. Not once did someone appologise to me or even pretend they could understand how frustrating this is.
It has also come back with a key broken on it and in a much worse state than what it was sent away in.
soooo the moral of the story is PC world is Shit and the TECH GUYS really are rubbish and cant do their job.I have also learnt to make sure you have everything you could possibly need backed up regularly from the laptop!
What a great start to the day!
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
Hello
Well I thought it about time to start a blog - not entirely sure what i am supposed to write in here but will use it to rant, scream, shout, cry, laugh, celebrate and share my life with whoever decides to read it.
Life is never easy but this present time seems to be really hard. My husband and i are really struggling to keep our heads above water and although i know we are not the only ones, i still feel very lonely in our struggles.
Problem #1
Maybe i should start at the beggining and explain why we are in such a mess?? its a long story, but here goes. I hope it makes some sense. In August I decided i had enough of my job and started the job hunt. I wanted a little promotion with more money and a better sense of job satisfaction. I really wasnt happy with the job i was in, not the actual work but the management, the team and the things expected of me. I got offered a new job with all the things i wanted, infact probably more and i couldnt believe it, i was soooo excited it felt like i was on top of the world (get the picture??) so I handed my notice in, i even extended the notice period that i gave, they asked me to reconsider and to even stay working for them part time, for evenings and weekend work (too little, too late really). As the time was getting closer to starting my new role I was struggling to get into contact with the new boss and pin her down. Eventually when i did - the thursday before i was due to start on the monday, my world crashed. She explained to me that she could no longer take me on in the role! apparently down to something my previous manager had told her and the reference she had given me!!!!!! I was not impressed as you can probably guess and went straight to the office to have it out with my boss. Anyway cutting a long story short i ended up seeking legal advice and going to the area manager and the manager above him explaining what had happened and letting the cat out of the bag about a few other issues. Anyway after a long investigation infact till only 2 weeks ago, i had heard nothing. Then i got the letter i was waiting for - saying the 'whole thing was completely regretable and unfortuanately he cant turn the clock back' so i was cleared and my reputation sorted.
During all this i was obviously applying for jobs as my husband as much as he would like to cant earn enough money to cover both of our wages. I had a few interviews and a few 'i would love to employ you but unfortunately........' which just sucks.
The good news now at the end of November I have finally been offered 3 jobs! whoop whoop so i have a few decisions to make. will do a seperate blog about them when i have the offer letters infront of me as i dont want to jinx them in anyway.
Problem #2
Obviously me being out of work has resulted in a lot of missed payments and debts continuing to build through charges or missed payments. Lots of crappy phone calls and horrible letters.Its got so bad i am even avoiding answering the door incase it is some sort of baliff. I know it wont be long now but even when i am working again we will have to catch up on ourselfs ontop of paying the debts we already had before all of this.
Problem #3
My poor husband is killing himself trying to keep us from completely drowning some days working 20/21 hours! then doing the same the following day. I feel so sorry for him and I try and do absolutely everything i possibly can to make his life easier for him when he gets home. Its hard though as we are a couple who are fantastic when they are together - but fall apart when they dont see each other. It is also so lonely being at home with out him. There is only so many times you can turn up on your friends door step or think of excuses for them to pop over. Thank God for my dogs.
Problem #4
I was trying to be good, i thought with my time off i could get all the jobs done you put to the back of your mind when you are busy with day to day life, like sorting the cupboards out, going to the dentist, flu jab, smear test, asthma clinic and all the rest of the rubbish that needs doing 'eventually'. Well it worked i got it all done, i just wasnt expecting the results - modereate to severe abnormalities in your smear test result. AAGGGHHHHH panic mode set in and appointment card arrives for test to be done at hospital with treatment and biopsy! well that joyous occasion is this thursday - shit.
Problem #5
hubby being arrested on friday night and kept in cells till saturday evening! there was some trouble at work and yes he probably did lose his temper and the result was not a good thing, but that was delt with. As he was about to be relised on bail the police decided to inform him that he is 'wanted' by the courts in the midlands somewhere!! no chance that cant be right!!! but they say they cant prove or disprove it until monday morning when they make contact with the court - that means keeping him in cells till then!!!!! not a chance so i rush down to the police station with passport, CRB and anything else i could think to let them release him. luckily it worked and it has been proven since then it wasnt him they were after. you'd think that in these modern times they could prove straight away it wasnt him, stupid idiots. Impending bail meeting and possible court case now. GREAT! not.
well i think those 5 things are the biggest ones going round my head right now and kinda gives you a little insite into how my life is right now.
I wonder if anyone will actually read this?? i'm not telling anyone its here so who knows. xxxx
Life is never easy but this present time seems to be really hard. My husband and i are really struggling to keep our heads above water and although i know we are not the only ones, i still feel very lonely in our struggles.
Problem #1
Maybe i should start at the beggining and explain why we are in such a mess?? its a long story, but here goes. I hope it makes some sense. In August I decided i had enough of my job and started the job hunt. I wanted a little promotion with more money and a better sense of job satisfaction. I really wasnt happy with the job i was in, not the actual work but the management, the team and the things expected of me. I got offered a new job with all the things i wanted, infact probably more and i couldnt believe it, i was soooo excited it felt like i was on top of the world (get the picture??) so I handed my notice in, i even extended the notice period that i gave, they asked me to reconsider and to even stay working for them part time, for evenings and weekend work (too little, too late really). As the time was getting closer to starting my new role I was struggling to get into contact with the new boss and pin her down. Eventually when i did - the thursday before i was due to start on the monday, my world crashed. She explained to me that she could no longer take me on in the role! apparently down to something my previous manager had told her and the reference she had given me!!!!!! I was not impressed as you can probably guess and went straight to the office to have it out with my boss. Anyway cutting a long story short i ended up seeking legal advice and going to the area manager and the manager above him explaining what had happened and letting the cat out of the bag about a few other issues. Anyway after a long investigation infact till only 2 weeks ago, i had heard nothing. Then i got the letter i was waiting for - saying the 'whole thing was completely regretable and unfortuanately he cant turn the clock back' so i was cleared and my reputation sorted.
During all this i was obviously applying for jobs as my husband as much as he would like to cant earn enough money to cover both of our wages. I had a few interviews and a few 'i would love to employ you but unfortunately........' which just sucks.
The good news now at the end of November I have finally been offered 3 jobs! whoop whoop so i have a few decisions to make. will do a seperate blog about them when i have the offer letters infront of me as i dont want to jinx them in anyway.
Problem #2
Obviously me being out of work has resulted in a lot of missed payments and debts continuing to build through charges or missed payments. Lots of crappy phone calls and horrible letters.Its got so bad i am even avoiding answering the door incase it is some sort of baliff. I know it wont be long now but even when i am working again we will have to catch up on ourselfs ontop of paying the debts we already had before all of this.
Problem #3
My poor husband is killing himself trying to keep us from completely drowning some days working 20/21 hours! then doing the same the following day. I feel so sorry for him and I try and do absolutely everything i possibly can to make his life easier for him when he gets home. Its hard though as we are a couple who are fantastic when they are together - but fall apart when they dont see each other. It is also so lonely being at home with out him. There is only so many times you can turn up on your friends door step or think of excuses for them to pop over. Thank God for my dogs.
Problem #4
I was trying to be good, i thought with my time off i could get all the jobs done you put to the back of your mind when you are busy with day to day life, like sorting the cupboards out, going to the dentist, flu jab, smear test, asthma clinic and all the rest of the rubbish that needs doing 'eventually'. Well it worked i got it all done, i just wasnt expecting the results - modereate to severe abnormalities in your smear test result. AAGGGHHHHH panic mode set in and appointment card arrives for test to be done at hospital with treatment and biopsy! well that joyous occasion is this thursday - shit.
Problem #5
hubby being arrested on friday night and kept in cells till saturday evening! there was some trouble at work and yes he probably did lose his temper and the result was not a good thing, but that was delt with. As he was about to be relised on bail the police decided to inform him that he is 'wanted' by the courts in the midlands somewhere!! no chance that cant be right!!! but they say they cant prove or disprove it until monday morning when they make contact with the court - that means keeping him in cells till then!!!!! not a chance so i rush down to the police station with passport, CRB and anything else i could think to let them release him. luckily it worked and it has been proven since then it wasnt him they were after. you'd think that in these modern times they could prove straight away it wasnt him, stupid idiots. Impending bail meeting and possible court case now. GREAT! not.
well i think those 5 things are the biggest ones going round my head right now and kinda gives you a little insite into how my life is right now.
I wonder if anyone will actually read this?? i'm not telling anyone its here so who knows. xxxx
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